Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
God I need to hump something, right now.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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