i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
COCAINE IS GR8
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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