Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
