You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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