Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
whose ass print is on the piano?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
