Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
