Im at strip club and am horny
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
