Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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