I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
