Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
