i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
