And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
