Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
