What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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