You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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