they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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