I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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