oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
