So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
