I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
