1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
