please come you make the beer taste better
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
