if you like me you must not know who I am
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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