Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
