I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Randomize
