That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
