I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize