I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
