Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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