It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize
