i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
