She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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