I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
