Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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