I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
