I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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