I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
