This girl is more easily done than said...
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
