Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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