Do vagina's smell?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
sick fucks of a feather flock together
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
