She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
