im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
not ubering you a puppy
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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