Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize