He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
