it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
