Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
