I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
