How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Randomize
