I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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