You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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