Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
