I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
