no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
