Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
