I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
