Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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