Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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