I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
