Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
