I accidentally had phone sex last night
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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