We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
