I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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