yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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