Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
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