I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I could fuck to npr.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
