There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize