i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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