Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize