i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I have aggressive nipples.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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